Sep 05 2008
Why do good guys finish last…??
Hey fellow SABAsearchers, this week we had one of our readers send in a blog topic that I thought was very interesting. If you have anything that you would like to see posted on our blog site, feel free to write to us and we will be happy to post it up on our site, enjoy!
Dear Sabasearch Team,
I have a story for you, why do good guys finish last…The reason that I am writing to you is to see if maybe there are people out there that could relate to this subject. I was born and raised here in America, but still have strong ties to my culture which I am very proud of. But also very confused, of course I have parents that always want me to do ‘the right thing’ even though that right thing doesn’t seem right to me. I mean how can I possibly find someone over the Internet, and say that we are compatible with each other without even seeing the person face to face. Yeah I have read the testimonials on the website about how much success people are having in finding their ’soul-mate’ but really come on now, is it really true? Now that I am at that time in my life where I need to settle down, the pressure is on to find that special Indian girl and propose to her, and make her my wife. In all honesty, my feelings are to find someone that will love me for who I am, right?? That means, talking to girls then eventually move on to dating, and then maybe get married. That is what my instincts tell me, but according to my parents I am supposed to find someone that meets their criteria (i.e. educated, strong family backgrounds, high morals and values, and religious, etc..) The list goes on, no seriously the list goes on. What I am getting at is not every girl out there will fit my parents description, and in some cases a lot of the girls out there will maybe match up to 1 or 2 of the items on the ‘checklist’, that is what I like to call it. Any suggestions as to how I should handle this dilemma would be generous and helpful. I know that one day it will happen, but when? Thanks for listening.
Sincerely,
Fan of Sabasearch
Keep your head up. This is a very common problem for first generation South Asians in America. We all know that parents are extremely important in our culture and I commend you for trying to please them. The parents of first generation South Asians came to this country to give their family a better life…and even though you may not agree with everything they say, you should not disregard all their opinions. The key is to find that perfect balance (easier said than done of course).
First and foremost, you need to find someone that will make you happy. You are the one that is going to live with that person for the rest of your life. If you are truly close to your parents and you want to make them happy, the person you find probably already has the characteristics your parents desire. I know that they have a ‘checklist’ of a million things, but it is unreasonable that you will meet every single one of them. For sure there are some that are of much higher priority than others. These are the ones you should consider most. You may be able to meet them and you may not. These type of situations require that the parents, as well as the children, sacrifice some of their demands.
Regarding on-line matrimonial sites - it works for some people, and does not for others. I would say that you should just use it to make connections to people you normally would not be able to meet. Then take it from there however fast/slow you want to. If you want to date for a while, then go for it. You should not feel pressured into marrying some one that you barely know. Matrimonial websites are just a networking tool - allows you to get in touch with people, and where it goes from there is totally up to you.
So when will all this happen? No one knows…there is never a way of predicting when life changing events like this happen. You (and your parents) have to be patient and when the time is right, you will know. Best of luck and hope this helps.