Jul 08 2008
“NO”…the Deadly Answer to Arranged Marriage?
Yet another case of ignorance and stupidity was reported within the South Asian community this week.
Sandeela Kanwal, a victim of her own father’s wrath, was killed by her father, Chaudry Rashad, because she refused to continue the marriage with her arranged husband, whom she hadn’t seen for several months. Reporters refer to Chadry’s actions an “honor killing”, but we can’t comprehend how any honor can be upheld with these types of actions.
Here is an excerpt from the ABC news article, posted online:
A Georgia father (Chaurdry Rashad) of Pakistani descent allegedly strangled his 25-year-old daughter because she wanted to get out of an arranged marriage to a man she had not seen in months, according to police in Clayton County, Ga.
The Clayton County Medical Examiner confirmed that Kanwal died of strangulation. Police recovered an iron by the young woman’s bedroom doorway and a necklace on a family room table that may have been used in the killing, according to a Clayton County police report.
Authorities allege that Rashid killed his daughter because he feared that her resistance to a recently arranged marriage would disgrace the Pakistani-American family.
This is sure to spark lots of controversy within our community. Now days, arranaged marriages are on the downtrend and divorce is on the uptrend. Generation X South Asians are developing into a western culture, and the traditional South Asian views are becoming almost non-existent for many South Asian youth within the US and UK.
Why is it so hard for first generation immigrants (as well as native South Asians) to understand that times are changing and that arranged marriages are not as successful or feasible as before? We do understand that the stats show that arranged marriages are highly effective, but it can also be argued that there is no “honor” in forcing an arranged marriage. We are living in a free world, and as an adult, the choice should come from the individual, not the parents.
Do you think it is “dishonorable” to break an arranged marriage? How can we better handle these situations within our community?
First off, nothing justifies killing your own daughter! Thats crazy! But as for breaking an arranged marriage, that would be like breaking a love marriage. there’s no difference there. Marriage, i feel, is a life long commitment. If you walk into it thinking you can get out of it, you should not get married in the first place. But in this situation, I wouldn’t be surprised if this poor girl’s father forced the marriage on her much less staying in the marriage. Its just a sad situation… I hope that fool gets whats coming to him! How is is dishonorable to break an arranged marriage, but honorable to kill your own daughter… people needa re-think their beliefs!
This is the second marriage type issue hitting the news within a few weeks. I understand that these parents are worried about their honor, etc. but it baffles me the extent to which they think it is justified. I really hope that these kind of issues raise awareness within our community and stop any more destruction within families. My heart goes out to the families involved.
This excerpt just posted on the CNN website, which featured this topic as their leading story:
“My immediate reaction was that this is an anomaly in the South Asian community,” Ajay Nair, associate dean of multicultural affairs at Columbia University, told CNN on Tuesday. “Most South Asian-American families enjoy wonderful relationships within their families.”
“I think there’s ways that we can rationalize it and make sense of it, particularly in thinking about new immigrant communities in the U.S. and thinking about some of the struggles that they face and the generation gap and the cultural differences that children do face,” he said. “I think there are some issues there, but by and large, this isn’t a rampant problem within South Asian communities. What is a problem, I think, is domestic violence, and that cuts across all communities.”
That story is crazy! Makes our community look bad (even though it doesn’t happen often in the U.S). I don’t know how a father can work up enough nerve to even THINK about killing his own daughter! That is pathetic and I feel so bad for the families.
i think it was a matter of fact that it was a wrong step of hers father